Is perfection the enemy? The double-edged sword of perfectionism

I spoke on the phone with my grandma recently, and I voiced my stresses about life, what I was doing with it, and my concern that what I was pursuing may not be the right thing–the perfect thing. I told her this uncertainty held me back. It caused me to act slower, analyze more and do less. I didn’t know if I was living my God-given purpose.

She responded with, so what? So what if it’s not exactly what you’re supposed to be doing? So what if it’s not the life path you’re going to stick with forever? If that’s the case, then you’ll change it. You don’t need to put so much stock on every decision. And besides, how will you ever know it’s the wrong thing if you don’t go after it?

The worst thing you can do is stand still.

(She is a wonderful listener and even better advice-giver. She packs a lot of power into few words.)

The conversation made me think long and hard about, ironically, the time I spend in consideration. This drove me to the root of my stasis: perfection. What is perfectionism?

In part, fear of failure.

This fear of failure or concern with flawlessness can push someone to create and do beautiful things.

It can also cause the same person to freeze themselves in an ice castle of ideals. They create nothing because their fear of creating anything less than perfect outweighs their desire to attain. You cannot fail on a project that you haven’t started, they think. But isn’t the failure of not starting worse?

I love planning. Always have. I love creating this perfect beautiful thing up in my head of everything I want to do. I have a vivid imagination, so sometimes that premature dopamine hit I can experience in my head when I imagine accomplishment satisfies me enough to stop me from pursuing the real deal (this is a phenomenon backed by science. A tip to use this to your advantage, according to Andrew Huberman, is to actually visualize failure or what will happen if you fail to act). It just seems so real, so possible, that I feel a wave of blissful comfort in my delusion.

This is a dangerous place to be.

Defining perfection and perfectionism

Perfection: the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

The definition of perfectionism is a bit harder to pin down.

Perfectionism, considered an aspect of personality, has been defined as “the tendency to set and to pursue unrealistically high goals and standards for oneself across many domains.” But what if that isn’t exactly true? What if your perfectionism stops you from pursuing at all?

The percentage of individuals with perfectionism varied too widely from study to study for me to place an accurate number. It depended upon whether the perfectionism was self-prescribed in a survey or analyzed from a third-party point of view. The numbers also changed drastically (decreased) when perfectionism was considered and defined only in its unhealthy form. I also discovered the three different flavors of perfectionism that have their own sets of data: socially prescribed, self-oriented and other-oriented. Suffice it to say that perfectionism, adaptive and maladaptive, is very common.

For the unlucky among us, saying you struggle with perfectionism is often a nice way of saying you struggle with procrastination.

Other symptoms may include all-or-nothing thinking, self-criticism, self-isolation, feeling of imposter syndrome, impaired relationships and suicidal thinking and behavior.

On the flip side, symptoms may also include high achievement and preparedness, attention to detail, self-discipline, personal growth, persistence and organizational skills.

How can we live the positive aspects of perfectionism while mitigating the negative?

First, we need to understand the perfection paradox.

The Perfection Paradox (you can never catch perfection but you should still chase something approximating it)

My analysis on the perfection paradox is a bit different than other definitions I’ve found. While many note the paradox lies in that striving for perfection makes you less perfect, I see more nuance.

In a world where perfectionism is largely seen and defined negatively, it is a double-edged sword, and there is a fine line between paralysis and high achievement.

The dark side of perfection

Modern society has turned perfectionism into a monstrous offender in creative, entrepreneurial, academic, athletic and basically any challenging endeavor where leaps of faith are necessary–where eventually you just need to say, that will do, and move forward.

I imagine a dark, ugly figure peering over my shoulder whenever I’m attempting a quadrant two task (a highly important but not urgent task). The figure looms and judges and never looks away until the task is either abandoned, forgotten or irreparably sent forth into the world. The figure tempts with the comfort of the words “not yet” and urges you to research more, practice harder, wait longer or refine with a sharper knife. You postpone, and postpone, and wait for the “right” time.

This is the dark side of perfection.

However, within quotes from the Greats, a beneficial spin exists.

The double-edged sword: quotes about perfectionism

The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Voltaire

Voltaire, a French writer, is often quoted this way and credited with the quote above which he repurposed from an Italian proverb.

(The translation is slightly wrong. He actually wrote, “Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien” meaning the best is the enemy of good. “The best” is perhaps a bit more human, less divine, but it gets across the same message.)

But he also said:

Perfection is attained by slow degrees; it requires the hand of time.

Voltaire

(In this quote, the literal translation does call for “perfection.”)

Perfection is the enemy of progress.

Churchill

The maxim, “nothing prevails but perfection,” may be spelled PARALYSIS.

Churchill

But he also said:

The way to achieve happiness is to try for perfection that is impossible to achieve and spend the rest of your life trying to achieve it.

Churchill

So, what are these pairs of seemingly contradictory quotes trying to get across? Can they coexist? It’s almost as though they are dealing with two separate interpretations of perfection: one that holds you captive and another that sends you bounding into the world.

The distinction seems to be that if perfection is stopping you from even trying, then it is a problem. The former quotes of these great thinkers speak of perfection paralysis while the latter describes the striving for the attainment of the ideal.

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.

Vince Lombardi

Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.

Salvador Dali

The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.

Michelangelo

The consensus seems to be that true perfection is only divine. Us humans can only attain something close to it, be it excellence or something approximating “the best”.

A biblical parallel helps explain this.

The Bible calls Christians to be imitators of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1), the only sinless being of flesh. At the same time, it acknowledges that one will always fall short (Romans 3:23). The fact that we are bound to fall short should never excuse failure to try or excuse living consistently in sin.

Likewise, the fact that we can never attain perfection should never excuse failure to begin.     

Perfectionism and writing

In terms of perfectionism and writing, perfectionism is definitely the enemy of done.

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

Confucius

This is how my writing process used to go (and let’s be honest still sometimes goes): I write a sentence, I hate the sentence, I stare at the sentence (sometimes it stops there and doesn’t start back up). I rewrite the sentence, get rid of gross “be” verbs and adverbs. I stare at the sentence. I try a more powerful verb out. I stare at the sentence. Am I telling too much? How am I suppose to show in writing again? I read a little bit of anything else for some inspiration. I rewrite the sentence. Sometimes (rarely) I can get to the point where I nod, think wow, this is pretty good, and can move on.

The process can become so suffocating and arduous that I dread entering into writing mode. It’s painful and ugly. It drives me crazy that I can’t get to point Z without first going through A-Y.

I am learning that the sacrifice is being okay with point M. Even worse, point C. You sacrifice for progress. Through practice, maybe I can get to point Z in less steps, but I will never learn how without making the sacrifice and just finishing something.

Rick Rubin, a record producer and author of The Creative Act: A Way of Being, also warns against thinking about the outcome until after you finish a thing, never before.

Similarly, the consensus from the successful writing community is that having a bad first draft is 100x better than having nothing at all.

(See all of the “be” verbs I just let slide??)

Perfectionism and writing quotes

Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving.

Neil Gaiman

Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.

Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good.

William Faulkner

Sometimes in a nervous frenzy I just fling words as if I were flinging mud at a wall. Blurt out, heave out, babble out something — anything — as a first draft…Until it exists, writing has not really begun.

John McPhee

Most times, I’ll just sit there, suffer, write shitty sentences, and hope I can make the next draft less putrid.

Daniel Pink

In other words, withhold the inner editor until the end–until you have something completed to edit.

There are so many great quotes relating to perfectionism and writing. I could go on and on. Really, this topic deserves an article of its own.

How to balance perfectionism

The opposite of perfection, an unbridled disregard for your work, doesn’t do anyone any good. To go even further, believing you are okay just the way you are—you don’t need to improve—isn’t a mindset that creates progress. (This statement might be contentious in modern society.)  

Given perfectionism is associated with high performers, how can we temper the dangers of attempting to attain perfection in a project with the benefits?

1. For the little things that matter less that you get hung up on, make a sacrifice.
   • We only have so much time. If you need to get close to perfection in a task, prioritize.
   • Identify what tasks require the least of you. Use the Eisenhower Matrix to do this.
2. Go forward even if you stumble. If that seems like too much, begin by doing it badly.
   • Perhaps the knowledge that we will always fall short is a relief. If you begin by intentionally doing it badly, it removes pressure, and you have something to work with. Within the “bad” first try, there might be something of value.
3. Acknowledge the perfection in imperfection
   • Idiosyncrasies and flaws are often what makes something compelling and unique. The imperfections you despise could make something perfect to someone else.
   • Anne Lamott notes that, “messes are the artist’s true friend.”
4. Accept that the worst thing you can do is never start.
   • Jordan Peterson puts it best: “The fool is the precursor to the saviorl. Why? Because you are a fool when you start something new. And so if you’re not willing to be a fool then you’ll never start anything new and if you never start anything new then you won’t develop. The willingness to be a fool is the precursor to transformation. … If you’re going to write your destiny, you can do a bad first job.”
5. Strive for progress before perfection. After you’ve made progress, strive for excellence.
   • Anyone who strives for the perfect lugs and trudges through the ugly.
6. Remember, for a perfectionist, nothing will ever be good enough.
   • Honestly, if we were able to actually reach perfection, what would we have to strive for?
   • If perfection blocks your path, can you manage to get to point B and hit send?

Key Takeaways

• Understanding perfectionism: Perfectionism is characterized by setting unrealistically high goals and standards for oneself across various domains. It can manifest itself differently and be a catalyst for stasis or movement.

• The Perfectionism Paradox: Perfectionism can both drive individuals to achieve excellence and paralyze them. You can never catch perfection but you should still chase something approximating it.

• Quotes on perfectionism: Famous figures highlight the dual nature of perfectionism and two of its faces: inactive and proactive.

• Perfectionism and writing: In creative endeavors, perfectionism is especially detrimental. It can kill a project before you put pen to paper. Avoid the ideal here at all costs until you’ve finished something.

• Balancing perfectionism: strategies include prioritizing tasks, beginning by intentionally doing it badly, accepting imperfection, embracing progress over perfection, and acknowledging the value of starting even when the outcome is imperfect.

This article was very, very hard for me to write for all of the reasons above. This is an issue that deeply resonates with me that I am still figuring out how to navigate because my perfectionism has kept me from creating so much. It was a mental battle as I tried to understand why I do this and how to remedy this. How to let perfectionism drive me and not cripple me. How to still strive for aesthetic beauty while being okay with “good enough.” I gained a lot of understanding. I hope you did too.